Saw this photo and I panicked

Today's soundtrack: oooh shiny. Saw this photo and so many thoughts...I panicked. 

...Not watched it for a while but hasn't The X-Factor gone down hill since the old days. 

...No Derek, we are all doing a turn at the company Christmas bash, now get yourself home and come back with a hobby. Derek what you doing? Spoon hanging? Is that actually a thing. 

...Now that's a burlesque act I want to see. 

...Some community service tasks are easier than others. 

...I know TV quiz shows have been dumbing down, but Spot The Spoon is taking the piss. 

...show and tell in my school was an ordeal when Jimmy decided to go full Spoon Collection on us. 

...but darling I made you this necklace myself. I thought you'd like it. Won't you at least wear it to church. 

...Always hated going to Kelham Island, those spoon people are so in your face. 

...Oh good, spoon hanging - not seen since Butlins 1933. Jimmy Tarbuck used to open his act that way. 15 minutes of a man holding his spoons up for the audience to admire. Seriously, you can't beat it. 

...Look into my spoons, only my spoons, not around my spoons, now give me your credit cards. 

...Oh Derek, when I said I wanted to experiment tonight, that's not what I meant when I suggested spooning. Now get the lube and do me proper, you've made me angry with your cutlery and you're going to pay.

(Might have crossed a line with that last one?)
(Ps excuse the quality of photo, despite my best efforts I couldn't rip it off the pub wall)
(Pps I'm still panicking but I'll save you from any more)